24.4.10

Funny The Way It Is

Sometimes we make ourselves blind in order not to see what we know it's there. We try to trick ourselves so we can deny reality for a little more. For a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year...

We need that blindness for a little. It's the only time we have to get the strength needed.

And I needed that time. I needed almost 19 years to allow myself to see the reality.

I don't want to be exactly like you. I don't want to be so open-minded for some stuff and yet so close-minded for others. I want to be able to protect myself like you do but at the same time I want to keep the innocence of a child inside me. I want to look at some stuff like a kid does and always find the positive thing about it. Even when that demonstrates that I'm being naive. I want to do good stuff for other people. I want to help the others without second intentions or thinking about a possible consequence of the act. If I'm good at something and if that will help someone I want to participate with what I have. I don't want to be good at something and then brag myself to everyone like I'm the best because I will never be the best. I will always learn something more. I will always discover something new. I'm never gonna allow myself to impose my ideas to others. I don't want to talk to the others like I'm the one who knows and that if they don't listen me they are just dumbs who are walking around this world. I don't! I won't!

I don't want to be like you. I want to be me. Even if it took almost 19 years to say it out loud to myself, this is what I'm gonna do. Little by little.. this is who I am.

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